2005 is a bad year for me and I had a hard time going through by myself. Losing someone (my grandma) I loved dearly was a painful experience. She was as close to my as my parents. Her funeral was on the third day of my second job. I never gave her any money after I graduated. First job paid me a scratch RM1200. I was just too happy to get a new job that pays me double. But unfortunately, she could not wait for me. On her funeral, I believe there's no one that cried more than me. But on the day of cremation, there's no more tears to cry. And that was when I felt my heart ached.
And also going through a staling relationship was definitely another reason why 2005 was a bad year.
2006 was a superb year. There were just too many reasons why it was so great. I was having too much fun that year and just a few days before celebrating the New Year of 2007, I ended up lying in Hospital Pantai Putri....and that was a very bad indication for the coming year.
Despite the super bonus and promotion I got from work, everything else was going downhill. Another painful incident happened to me which will be the burden and resentment for the rest of my life. And I had to carry this burden of guilt for the rest of my life without telling anyone. And then my dad. I always know cancer illness runs in the family but only when it hit my dad I could feel the shock and anxiety. But don't worry, my family and I are going through this strongly.
And then suddenly I realize I'm in a relationship that doesn't promise me anything. Am happy. But what is happiness? What does happiness promise me? Does happiness promise me any future? Happiness is intangible. I always thought I have happiness but actually, I don't really know if happiness is there. I can't touch it, taste it or feel it. I just think I have happiness. Ignorance is bliss.
But it's just a matter of time on how long I can ignore. And wait.
Everyone sees me as an optimistic and smart gal, which I have to keep on portraying, which is tough. Especially during a bad year like this one.