Sunday, November 25, 2007

Sick....inside out

I'm sick. I'm down with flu again. My close friends (old school mates) will remember that I always make a bunch of disgusting tissue wanton every now and then. And I never got any stronger, mainly due to the never work-out body.

Not in any mood to blog actually. I'm drained. Partly from the flu and partly emotionally. My blog is no longer my feel station anymore because I couldn't showcase my feeling as free as it used to be. I'm happy to have more readers now but somehow, subconsciously this encourage me to only write about happy things.

But yesterday I was as dead as Yokie. The heart can ache so much that you thought it was dead and so many stupid thoughts can enter your head. I never had any trouble with sleeping but last night was my first bitter taste with insomnia. I was so drained out, body so tired and physically sick from the flu but I was not able to sleep. Insomnia was so horrible that I had to look at the window and waited for the skies to change from pitch black to grey to light hint of dawn. What's troubling my mind? Why do I have to give so much and take so little? Or am I asking too much? I know there's no balance sheet in love/relationship and everyone is having their own problem, so mine might not anything major. But when I'm in the middle of the problem, with sleepless night and throbbing heartache...the pain is just too unbearable. But yeah, as time goes by, the problem will minimize by itself. Ignorance is bliss? Perhaps.

I think I still can go on.

For how long?

I'm not sure.

1 comment:

  1. Erm ... Sorry to hear that from you. You were the most clever girl among us .. but seems like you were down like hell like me. What I can say is .. we need to be more selfish to ourselves from now on. I must change also to occupied more of my time with my things, instead of thinking other things. Sometimes feel no security from others ...