Tuesday, May 02, 2006

What's happening to me?

On boring Sunday afternoon, while everyone was still enjoying their long weekend, I was miserably bored, bored with life, bored with ppl's promises, bored with waiting, bored with everything.....
And so, trying to make an effort to get out from the boredom, I went out with Debbie and Shelley to Ipoh Parade, with me becoming the driver of the day to pick them up one by one(and they live pretty far apart). I'm being generous because both are working in KL and coming back for the weekend, so I volunteer to give them a ride.
But generousity doesn't get paid in a good way......but mainly due to my own carelessness and stupidity.

This is how my old car looked like after I banged it to someone else's car during side parking. I'm qualified with side parking but........is it my bad luck or is it my stupidity? What's in my head? What am I thinking? I should see the damn maroon car right in front of me. I can do SIDE PARKING, DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!

And then the whole damn Sunday night was spent at home. I slept before 1am on Saturday and Sunday night. I didn't even switch on my PC for the whole weekend, until today. Which is very rare. What's up with my life? I felt bored and helpless before but this weekend I WASN'T SUPPOSE TO BE ALONE! DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate people who break their promises and don't feel at least a pinch of guilty.

And I hate it when everyone seems to be busy and enjoying on the weekend....except me. Why am I so activity-less? Is my circle of friends so limited? Or am I soooo.....uninvited? DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!! I'm not that bad am I?

And so early on Labour's Day(today), I decided to make my first move (ever made in my life), to call up a guy and ask him out. Not with any special intention, but just to spend some time with. And do some crazy thing that I'd never do before. So guess what I did?

A movie marathon. HAHAHA. What were you thinking? Straight on from 11.50am: The Hills Have Eyes and then 2.45pm: Water Spirit. Both were B-grade movie but still watcable. Got a few scares from The Hills Have Eyes and Water Spirit was just another lousy Western horror movie that tried to have a twist in the end but didn't work out. Movie marathon was fun....might do something like this again sometimes, get to kill a lot of times but end up with strained eyes. Well, this poor guy who had to endure the whole marathon with me was really a good guy friend and I didn't expect him to give me some good advices too. Well, some people really did grew up and see things differently. Knowing him for 10 years, I could see a lot of changes in him. Just when am I going to see some changes in myself?

I know I sound too damn desperate in this entry. Just what the hell is happening to me???????????? A 'kemek' car and a movie marathon. What an achievement of a lifetime. A good friend of mine might know who was responsible to my siao-ness this few days. I will recover to my old self. I know I am smart enough not to keep falling. I should appreciate what I have now, instead of keep longing for changes. Changes might or might not be good. I just want to feel something different. Which is exactly what I'm going through right now. I feel ugly and stupid. Stupid enough to believe someone I don't really know. Ugly enough to admit that I'm stupid. Just great.....just great......

*sigh* I hope I won't dwell too long in this period of 'lost'.

1 comment:

  1. Should I or should I not apologize?Should as somehow, I am the indirect culprit. Shouldnt as I have already warned you not to be that "stupid". Um .. and one several things to add, this weekend I also not been able to enjoy as I have fallen sick .. and all my plan gone like that .. :( So, I aint any better than you.
    Anyway, I do know how you feel ... it'll be away, just a matter of time. But in your case, you will heal fast. Hehe ... I knew you .. little too well ..