Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Sick & Feeling Bad

I'm feeling worse than a rotten egg now......I don't know if it's from my sudden fever arose this morning or the impact from someone which I thought I don't care anymore. I'm in a sea of mix feeling now. Part of me feel that I really did something wrong and part of my stuborn self trying to defend myself. Why is it until now that he has to blame me for everything? As if I ruin his life when in fact that I'd chosen my own life and gave him what he always dreamt of.

Why am I in such a verge of bad feelings now? Was it guilt? But I will never admit that I'm wrong in the first place. It's already bad enough that the whole world was putting the blame on you. So was I so wrong that I be a little kind to myself? I never want to be regret with anything that I do...and I always want to be a smart and strong woman. They should know that I'm not the type of girl that will be manipulated with the soft side....so call 'feelings' and 'emotion'.
Some friends might not be very supportive and doesn't understand that I suffered a great deal as well. Ppl always pity the fallen but they will never see the standing one as being hurt but strong. But it's all in the pass now and I already have the happiest life.

I MUST let go of everything. Which I thought I did.....but still why I did something stupid? I'm really feeling bad about this. I'm too naive and never felt so stupid and mean. It's not 100% my fault but as usual immature ppl will never take anything as a man and will put the blame on someone else. I'm not easily bend to guilt but this time yes, I did/might ruin his love life. It's the best for both of us to vanish from each other's life, although I still hope that we can face it like adult and remain friends thereafter. But I guess it's easier if I take all the blame and let him hate me forever. It will be happier for him.

What a failure. *Sigh* Now that I realize that I had a very fail relationship. A one that I don't want to remember....as much as ppl don't want to remember me (not just dont want to remember, hate me somemore-_-).

Come the new year,2007....I'll put everything behind. Sometimes ppl will grow up from failures. I think I did.....(will).

And here comes the hardest word 'I am sorry'.

But I never regret.

Better lie down now.


  1. Well, I guess the "some friends might not be supportive and doesn't understand that I suffered a great deal as well" is directing to me.
    Erm, I dun like to tell lie to my true friends. When you told me that you are little jealous of him, I dun think I agree with your doings. Like you say, you chose your life and he, his. You also might aware that sometimes, things happened, there is no turning back. Why not still hope to be friend when things wont happen that easy?
    The reason I dont really agree with you becos I realised they are not those you wanted them to be after certain things happened.
    If I hurt your feelings today, I guess I should say sorry (for not considering your feelings). I also know that my advices on relationship matters wont have much influences as I have not been in one yet. *shame* .. haha ..
    Dun think it anymore lar .. let him be ..

  2. Nola Yokie, not just directing at you. Just that ppl will think the one who dump will suffer less than the one who kena dump.

    Yea, I really should not be 'jealous' of his happy life now. I should not have ANY feelings at all. That's why I said I was being stupid.

    I was at my most immature state at the moment. -_-